I’ve been meaning to write a “divorce update” for ages…
For those of you who don’t follow us religiously and who are either shocked or perplexed by the above statement – NEWS FLASH – Yes, I am indeed going through / getting a divorce.
I’ve been relatively open throughout the journey of “Getting A Divorce” right up until the point where I started receiving threats and negative feedback.
My entire blog is built on raw truth and I’ve been completely honest right from the get-go so it did take me by surprise not having 100% support.
It then hit me… I realized that my version of this divorce was MY reality and not all parties involved could see it from MY perspective. I can’t explain why, it’s just simply what divorce does – people pick sides.
DIVORCE ADVICE FROM CATH – LESSON 1.
"Don’t expect everyone to take your side. Instead of fighting for “your truth” to be revealed, let go, sit back and allow God or the universe (dependent on your beliefs) to reveal the truth for you. Bottom line… LET GO"
I’m not going to lie, not having everyone on my side kinda sucked. Even though it was a small handful of people, it was a pill I was not yet ready to swallow.
The ‘rejection’ of “my story” injured my ‘ego’.
I heard the other ‘version’ of ‘my story’ through mutual friends. It sounded like a complete alternate reality, one I was definitely not a part of and wanted to disprove with every fiber in my being! This ‘lie’ bothered me on cellular level and I wanted to EXPLODE until I realized…
1) Ego has no place in a divorce, it distracts you from focusing / ‘fighting’ for what’s important
2) Blood is thicker than water in most cases
3) The truth eventually reveals itself – you waste energy and look stupid trying to force it.
4) In time.. everyone will eventually move on from the drama surrounding the divorce and it will all be just another tiny, insignificant blip in the worlds series of unfortunate events.
The above is a lot easier for me to say and accept now, because of where I’m currently at in my life (happy) but believe you me, I’ve done all the ugly stuff in private… kicked, screamed, cried, like any normal rejected woman would… but in hind sight it was all honestly a waste of time.
There are certain ‘dramas’ in life that are simply not worth your energy. Fighting to get “everyone on your side” is one of them.
You know your truth and that’s all that really matters. If you’re lying to yourself and manipulating those around you to “get them on your side” I can guarantee it’s going to bite you in the ass at some point. Stop it NOW and move on.
I’m going to say this again, the truth has a way of revealing itself.
and who knows maybe your truth is in the midst for a ‘rude awakening’, but quite honestly “getting a divorce girl”…
YOU need to focus on other sh*t - like starting your new life. God, the universe and your lawyer will handle the rest.
DIVORCE ADVICE FROM CATH – LESSON 2.
"Have a little faith and move forward not backwards"
For the record, I don’t believe in divorce. It was never supposed to be an option for me but sometimes God presents you with no other option (believe you me, I prayed my ass off for answers and direction).
The most frequent message I get in my inbox is “How do you know when it’s over Cath”, “How do you know when to throw in the towel”. I honestly don’t know, but I have learnt two things;
1) Divorce is not a sin. There are certain circumstances where I think it’s actually ok.
2) You cannot force someone to love you. To ‘fix’ a marriage you need two willing parties. You CAN NOT do it on your own.
Anyway, that’s it from me for now… I’d love to get your feedback on the above below, perhaps you’re getting divorced or you’ve experience divorce in your family/friends? What did you learn? What questions do you have that went unanswered?
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Have a fantastic evening ladies and gents!
All my love
Following the Bean is a two-part team consisting of 1 x superhero Mom and 1 x model-extraordinaire Bean. Mom (aka Catherine Basson), a professional photographer by day and Bean-blogger by night has 3 years of fashion-knowledge sneakily tucked under her belt while Bean (aka Rebecca Aaliyah Alexander Basson) is a part time baby and full time model.